TL;DR: Subtle Betrayals Entrepreneurs Face and How to Protect Yourself
Betrayal in professional and personal relationships often comes from actions that technically break no rules but still hurt deeply.
• Sharing your private struggles publicly without your consent, undermining trust.
• Celebrating your failures, showing secret pleasure in your setbacks.
• Resisting your growth and evolution, trapping you in outdated expectations.
• Disappearing in your toughest moments, lacking support when it matters most.
Entrepreneurs can safeguard themselves by cultivating self-awareness, setting strong boundaries, and surrounding themselves with people who respect their vision and value both challenges and victories. Recognize the early signs of betrayal to foster authentic, growth-oriented connections.
Betrayal is a complex emotion. Unlike breaches of explicit rules or contracts, it can stem from subtler actions that evoke deep feelings of hurt and disappointment. As an entrepreneur and someone who has worked closely with diverse teams across Europe, I’ve observed that this undercurrent of misplaced trust is all too common in personal and professional arenas alike. The catch? Often, no rule is technically broken, and yet the damage feels just as real. Here, we’ll explore eight actions that don’t break any rules but still cut deep, one of which (#4) is notorious for ending more friendships than actual wrongdoing ever could. Let’s dig in.
1. Turning Your Personal Struggles into Their Public Story
Have you ever confided in a friend about a challenging experience, only to later overhear them retelling it as a casual anecdote at a networking event? You’re left feeling exposed and vulnerable, even if they never mention your name. While they may not see it as a breach of trust, from your perspective, it’s a betrayal of the intimate space you thought existed between you. As entrepreneurs, this happens when critical ideas or private insights become dinner-table stories for someone else, undermining your sense of security in relationships.
2. Finding Joy in Your Failures
Schadenfreude, a bizarrely satisfying word to describe a troubling behavior. It’s the subtle grin or the veiled relief you sense when sharing difficult news with a colleague or friend. Whether it’s about a failed project or a missed funding opportunity, realizing that someone secretly feels validated by your missteps can feel like a dagger to your confidence. This unspoken betrayal undermines a foundational element of any friendship or professional bond: mutual respect.
3. Showing Up Only for the Wins
Relationships thrive on reciprocity, but some people only seem to appear when there’s glory to be shared. Whether it’s celebrating a product launch, featured awards, or a viral moment, these individuals fade into the background during rough patches. This selective engagement erodes trust over time and signals a transactional, rather than genuine, relationship. Entrepreneurs know that success is built as much in the challenging times as it is in the highlight reels.
4. Refusing to Let You Evolve
This is the big one, the silent killer of countless friendships and collaborations. People change, and so do their priorities, values, and circumstances. But when a colleague, partner, or friend constantly references “who you used to be,” they trap you in their perception instead of allowing room for growth. As business founders, this becomes especially stark when prior associates struggle to adapt to our evolving goals or increased responsibilities. It’s not malicious, but it feels profoundly stifling. This dynamic ends more friendships in adulthood than most overt grievances.
5. Using Vulnerabilities as Weapons
At some point, nearly everyone has confided in someone close about their insecurities. What hurts deeply is when those vulnerabilities get thrown back as ammunition during disagreements. For instance, a business partner referencing a past mistake in support of their argument not only derails the conversation but also signals a lack of respect. It’s a line crossed, even if no explicit “rule” exists against it.
6. Barely Putting Effort into the Relationship
We’ve all felt drained by those who provide the bare minimum to maintain a relationship, whether professionally or personally. These individuals engage just enough to keep the connection alive but rarely reciprocate meaningful actions when it counts. Over time, this bread-crumbing behavior fosters resentment, especially for entrepreneurs whose networks often operate on goodwill, effort, and trust.
7. Subtly Undermining Your Decisions
Constructive criticism is invaluable, but constant “devil’s advocacy” isn’t. If someone close persistently questions your choices, even in areas where they have no stake or expertise, it undermines your confidence. Entrepreneurs with big ambitions often face this form of betrayal from individuals who may feel left out or outpaced by their progress.
8. Disappearing When You Need Them Most
This is one of the most painful behaviors to experience. A close friend or ally who vanishes during hard times, armed with solid excuses but no actionable support, leaves you with an aching void. Entrepreneurs face countless moments of uncertainty, and having reliable connections can define how resilient they feel. When those you trust crumble under the weight of your vulnerability, the disappointment can be immense.
How to Protect Yourself While Forging Deeper Connections
Recognizing these subtle forms of betrayal doesn’t mean shutting yourself off from relationships; rather, it calls for fostering two key traits: self-awareness and strong boundaries. Cultivate connections with individuals who mirror your values and who celebrate not just your wins but also your growth and resilience. Strive to communicate expectations explicitly, especially in vulnerable situations. While betrayal might feel inevitable at times, learning to identify it early can help preserve your mental health and interpersonal harmony.
Closing Thoughts
The root of these betrayals often lies in overlooked dynamics: envy, insecurity, fear of change. Yet, by addressing them head-on, whether in friendships or professional alliances, you can find clarity and deeper, more authentic relationships. For entrepreneurs who rely on trust to build their ventures, this clarity isn’t just important, it’s essential for long-term success. Remember, relationships should amplify your growth, not hinder it. Choose wisely.
FAQ on Betrayal in Personal and Professional Relationships
How can sharing personal experiences without permission feel like betrayal?
When someone shares a deeply personal story or confidence as their own anecdote, it can leave you feeling exposed and disrespected, even if no name is mentioned. This act involves using private moments as entertainment, which dilutes the trust initially placed in that person. For professionals, sharing sensitive ideas or strategies without consent at networking events can result in feelings of betrayal and insecurity. Trust builds strong personal and work relationships, and when it is compromised in such subtle ways, emotional damage can be just as severe as breaking explicit rules. More about handling trust in relationships
Why does finding joy in someone’s failure damage relationships?
The act of secretly feeling validated or content when someone else experiences failure, known as schadenfreude, erodes trust. For instance, in professional settings, when colleagues quietly revel in missteps like a failed presentation or missed goal, it signals latent insecurity or competition rather than mutual respect. To foster a healthy personal or work bond, it’s essential to reflect on such subtle but telling behaviors. Learn more about schadenfreude in professional relationships
What happens when people show up only for celebratory moments?
When someone is present only during your victories yet disappears during hardships, it creates a transactional relationship. This lack of reciprocity diminishes the depth of connection over time, especially when dealing with tough challenges. This is especially hard for entrepreneurs or anyone experiencing highs and lows frequently because they may feel used rather than authentically supported. Navigating shallow relationships during success
Why does refusing to let someone evolve harm relationships the most?
Refusing to see someone’s growth, by fixating on “who they used to be”, is one of the most common silent killers of friendships and partnerships. It makes the other individual feel trapped in a static perception, invalidating their new priorities or achievements. Change is integral to human growth, and relationships thrive when both individuals evolve together. Entrepreneurs often experience this betrayal when old friends struggle to accept new professional roles or business dynamics. Explore more on adapting to evolving relationships
How does using someone’s vulnerabilities as weapons resemble betrayal?
When someone confides their fears, insecurities, or past mistakes, using that information later during arguments deeply undermines trust. Such weaponization of vulnerabilities sends the message that open communication is unsafe, especially in professional or collaborative relationships. Entrepreneurs sharing setbacks for support might experience this as their honesty is turned against them during conflicts or negotiations. Dissecting vulnerability weaponization in relationships
What does it mean when someone “breadcrumbs” a relationship?
Breadcrumbing in relationships happens when someone offers minimal engagement to keep the connection alive while avoiding genuine investment. Over time, this behavior erodes the balance of give-and-take required for lasting relationships. For professionals, this might be seen through superficial pleasantries rather than meaningful collaboration or empathy, causing frustration and resentment. Recognizing breadcrumbing in your connections
Why does constant questioning of decisions feel hurtful?
Persistent “devil’s advocacy” crosses into betrayal territory when it undermines confidence without offering constructive support. If friends or colleagues seem to habitually question your decisions without purpose or a stake, their actions can feel dismissive. Entrepreneurs facing criticism on their decisions without encouragement often find this one-sided dynamic disheartening. Read about supporting decision-making in relationships
How does disappearing during hard times affect relationships?
When a close ally vanishes during difficulties while offering excuses, it feels like polite abandonment. Reliable connections are key, especially during personal or business challenges, and their absence during such moments breeds deep discontent with the relationship. Professionals counting on peers for resilience face the brunt of this betrayal keenly. Discover actionable ways to stay supportive in relationships
How can one forgive subtle betrayals without closing off relationships?
Healing from subtle betrayals begins with setting boundaries and fostering self-awareness. Acknowledge feelings of hurt, address patterns directly when possible, and prioritize connections that align with your values. Entrepreneurs must balance openness with clarity to avoid repeating emotionally draining experiences. Learn about protecting yourself in relationships
What steps can you take to strengthen trust in evolving partnerships?
For relationships to endure, they must adapt to change. This includes clear communication about expectations and recognizing mutual growth. Whether in personal friendships or professional collaborations, emotional alignment helps avoid the resentment that comes with stagnant connections. More insights on fostering lasting partnerships
About the Author
Violetta Bonenkamp, also known as MeanCEO, is an experienced startup founder with an impressive educational background including an MBA and four other higher education degrees. She has over 20 years of work experience across multiple countries, including 5 years as a solopreneur and serial entrepreneur. Throughout her startup experience she has applied for multiple startup grants at the EU level, in the Netherlands and Malta, and her startups received quite a few of those. She’s been living, studying and working in many countries around the globe and her extensive multicultural experience has influenced her immensely.
Violetta is a true multiple specialist who has built expertise in Linguistics, Education, Business Management, Blockchain, Entrepreneurship, Intellectual Property, Game Design, AI, SEO, Digital Marketing, cyber security and zero code automations. Her extensive educational journey includes a Master of Arts in Linguistics and Education, an Advanced Master in Linguistics from Belgium (2006-2007), an MBA from Blekinge Institute of Technology in Sweden (2006-2008), and an Erasmus Mundus joint program European Master of Higher Education from universities in Norway, Finland, and Portugal (2009).
She is the founder of Fe/male Switch, a startup game that encourages women to enter STEM fields, and also leads CADChain, and multiple other projects like the Directory of 1,000 Startup Cities with a proprietary MeanCEO Index that ranks cities for female entrepreneurs. Violetta created the “gamepreneurship” methodology, which forms the scientific basis of her startup game. She also builds a lot of SEO tools for startups. Her achievements include being named one of the top 100 women in Europe by EU Startups in 2022 and being nominated for Impact Person of the year at the Dutch Blockchain Week. She is an author with Sifted and a speaker at different Universities. Recently she published a book on Startup Idea Validation the right way: from zero to first customers and beyond, launched a Directory of 1,500+ websites for startups to list themselves in order to gain traction and build backlinks and is building MELA AI to help local restaurants in Malta get more visibility online.
For the past several years Violetta has been living between the Netherlands and Malta, while also regularly traveling to different destinations around the globe, usually due to her entrepreneurial activities. This has led her to start writing about different locations and amenities from the point of view of an entrepreneur. Here’s her recent article about the best hotels in Italy to work from.