TL;DR: Building Real Confidence Without External Validation
True confidence is not about proving your worth to others; it’s about internal self-assurance and authenticity.
• Confident people let go of the need to prove their intelligence, worth, happiness, or authenticity.
• They avoid performative behaviors, like boasting about their busy schedules, relationships, or control.
• Vulnerability, productivity, genuine relationships, and delegation are hallmarks of quiet confidence.
Start building confidence today by mastering one skill, confronting insecurities, and aligning your actions with your values. Let go of validation and lead with purpose.
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Confidence. Everyone talks about it, everyone desires it, and yet, most misunderstand it. As someone who has wrestled with insecurities and learned to build multiple successful businesses, I can confidently say that real confidence isn’t about convincing others of your worth, it’s about embodying it. If you’re looking to understand how truly confident people operate, and what they let go to live freely, you’re in the right place.
What Makes Real Confidence So Different?
The key differentiator? Real confidence is calm, collected, and unshaken by external validation. Confident individuals don’t feel the need to prove their value, intelligence, or success. They’ve mastered self-assurance, which allows them to navigate life authentically. Let’s dig into nine things they never have to prove, and why this matters for YOU as a founder, entrepreneur, or creative thinker.
#1: Their Intelligence
Confident people don’t name-drop degrees, qualifications, or use obscure jargon to sound intelligent. Instead, they let their curiosity and problem-solving skills speak for themselves. For example, Steve Jobs famously said, “Stay hungry, stay foolish.” Intelligence isn’t in knowing everything, but in the willingness to learn what you don’t.
#2: Their Worth
Imagine a founder who constantly boasts about their latest funding round or their company’s valuation. Does that scream confidence, or insecurity? Truly confident entrepreneurs, like Melanie Perkins of Canva, focus on building value rather than talking about it. Self-worth is internal, not dependent on external accolades or recognition.
#3: Their Happiness
In a time where social media has become a highlight reel, it’s tempting to display “happiness” as a performance. Confident people, however, don’t measure their joy by likes or comments. Their happiness is personal, a quiet sense of contentment. Curious about this shift? Look into the recent trends in mental wellness over public image prioritization; it’s a game-changer.
#4: Their Authenticity
People who are authentic aren’t constantly vocalizing, “I’m just being real!” Authenticity, at its core, doesn’t need validation. It’s consistent actions that align with your values. As a founder, this could mean staying true to your company’s mission, even when shortcuts are tempting. Consider folks like Sara Blakely of Spanx, whose quirky and persevering nature feels undeniably authentic.
#5: Their Busy Schedule
Have you ever met someone who wears “I’m too busy” as a badge of honor? Confident people don’t fall into the trap of performative busyness. They understand the difference between being busy and being productive. From my experience running multiple ventures, scheduling downtime has brought more clarity and impact than hustling around the clock ever did.
#6: Their Strength
Contrary to popular belief, vulnerability isn’t a weakness. Confident individuals can admit when they’re struggling and ask for help. Showing strength through adaptability and growth is far more admirable than power-posturing. In business, this means pivoting when necessary, as Slack did, transitioning from a failed gaming startup to a billion-dollar productivity tool.
#7: Their Relationships
Confident people see relationships as personal, not performative. They don’t go out of their way to display how “connected” or “in demand” they are. As a business owner, your network should be genuine and relational, not a collection of transactional contacts. Entrepreneurs who do this, like Elon Musk, build deeper collaborations.
#8: Their Apathy Toward Opinions
When someone loudly declares, “I don’t care what others think,” it’s often a cry for validation. People with quiet confidence don’t need to make announcements, they naturally align their actions with their principles, which resonate deeply. Founders who operate this way attract long-term trust, not fleeting attention.
#9: Their Control Over Everything
Confident individuals understand the power of delegation. They don’t micromanage or fear losing control because they trust their teams. Learning to delegate was transformative in my life, allowing me to scale businesses efficiently. Want to learn more? See how [effective time management strategies](https://siliconcanals.com/k-bt-9-things-people-with-real-confidence-never-feel-the-need-to-prove/) solve this issue for leaders.
How Do You Build Quiet Confidence?
Confidence starts with small, internal shifts. Here’s what to do:
- Focus on mastering a single skill instead of spreading yourself thin.
- Stop seeking validation from external sources like social media.
- Surround yourself with genuinely uplifting people.
- Confront your insecurities head-on; therapy or coaching can help immensely.
- Dedicate time to mindfulness or reflection; introspection builds mental strength.
My Final Thoughts
Confidence isn’t about loud proclamations, it’s the quiet knowing that you’re enough. As entrepreneurs, we’re bombarded with pressures to perform and prove every day. But the most liberating lesson I’ve learned is this: let go of the endless need for approval and just do what aligns with your purpose. You’ll not only distinguish yourself but also lead a more fulfilling life, in business and beyond.
Ready to start? Begin by noticing where you try to prove yourself, and practice letting go. That’s where the real growth begins.
FAQ on Real Confidence and What it Looks Like
What makes real confidence different from surface-level confidence?
Real confidence is calm, steady, and rooted in self-assurance rather than external validation. Unlike surface-level confidence, which often involves proving oneself through accomplishments, material wealth, or constant approval from others, real confidence is about embodying one's self-worth. Truly confident people focus on authentic actions, building value, and navigating life without relying on external merits. This perspective allows them to be resilient and adaptable, even when faced with challenges. For an in-depth look, check out 9 things people with real confidence never feel the need to prove , Silicon Canals.
How can I stop trying to prove my intelligence to others?
Truly confident people don’t feel the need to flaunt their qualifications or knowledge to gain respect. Instead, they demonstrate intelligence by engaging in curious and meaningful discussions. They embrace the idea of not knowing everything and focus on growth and problem-solving. For example, Steve Jobs famously adopted the mindset of “Stay hungry, stay foolish,” emphasizing the power of lifelong learning. Shift your focus from proving what you already know to gaining new insights and developing valuable skills.
Why do confident people avoid performing busyness?
Being overly busy is often mistaken for being valuable or important. Genuinely confident individuals prioritize productivity over performative busyness. They delegate effectively, avoid unnecessary multitasking, and take scheduled downtime to rejuvenate and maintain clarity. Studies on leadership show that scheduling breaks leads to better decision-making and creativity. If you've fallen into the trap of wearing busyness as a badge of honor, start by analyzing your schedule and cutting out low-priority tasks.
How do confident individuals approach social media and external validation?
Confident people don’t rely on the number of likes or comments on social media to measure their happiness or self-worth. Instead, they possess an intrinsic sense of fulfillment and prioritize offline connections over performative online displays. The trend toward mental wellness and reducing dependence on social media has gained traction in recent years, showing the importance of internal contentment. Learn how to adopt a healthier mentality toward social media with Silicon Canals.
Why is authenticity so important to the truly confident?
Authentic people don’t constantly declare, “I’m just being real!” Instead, their behavior aligns consistently with their values and beliefs. Confident individuals prioritize authenticity over fitting into societal expectations, which means they don’t seek validation for being themselves. This approach builds long-term trust in both personal and professional relationships. For founders and entrepreneurs, embracing authenticity can also make an impact on their company culture and leadership style.
How can I embrace vulnerability while building confidence?
Many believe vulnerability is a sign of weakness, but confident individuals understand its power. Asking for help, admitting mistakes, or sharing struggles can foster authentic connections and personal growth. As seen with companies like Slack, which pivoted from a failed gaming platform to a productivity tool, embracing vulnerability and adaptability can lead to immense success. Learn more about the concept in this Silicon Canals guide.
How can entrepreneurs build genuine business relationships?
Truly confident entrepreneurs focus on creating meaningful, reciprocal connections rather than transactional ones. Strategies like nurturing collaborations, offering value, and being authentic in networking can lead to deeper, longer-lasting relationships. An example is Elon Musk's approach to cofounder dynamics and partnerships. Understand the power of genuine relationships through this expert article.
What’s the best way to ignore unnecessary outside opinions?
Confident individuals don’t waste energy combatting every critique. They make decisions based on their principles and are selective about whose feedback they value. This doesn’t mean being completely apathetic, it’s about filtering opinions and focusing on priorities. Building this mental filter can help reduce distractions and increase alignment with your values.
How does delegation improve confidence in leadership?
Confident leaders understand that delegating responsibilities doesn’t mean losing control. Instead, it empowers teams, boosts efficiency, and fosters trust. Learning to let go of control is a critical step in scaling businesses and creating impactful work environments. Many successful companies, like Canva, thrive because of leaders like Melanie Perkins, who prioritize team trust over micromanagement. Explore practical tips on delegation efficiency here.
What practical steps can I take to build quiet confidence?
Start with small, internal shifts. Identify areas where you constantly seek validation and practice letting go. Focus on mastering a core skill, surround yourself with uplifting individuals, and dedicate time to mindfulness or therapy for personal growth. Real confidence comes from within, it’s about knowing you’re enough as you are.
About the Author
Violetta Bonenkamp, also known as MeanCEO, is an experienced startup founder with an impressive educational background including an MBA and four other higher education degrees. She has over 20 years of work experience across multiple countries, including 5 years as a solopreneur and serial entrepreneur. Throughout her startup experience she has applied for multiple startup grants at the EU level, in the Netherlands and Malta, and her startups received quite a few of those. She’s been living, studying and working in many countries around the globe and her extensive multicultural experience has influenced her immensely.
Violetta is a true multiple specialist who has built expertise in Linguistics, Education, Business Management, Blockchain, Entrepreneurship, Intellectual Property, Game Design, AI, SEO, Digital Marketing, cyber security and zero code automations. Her extensive educational journey includes a Master of Arts in Linguistics and Education, an Advanced Master in Linguistics from Belgium (2006-2007), an MBA from Blekinge Institute of Technology in Sweden (2006-2008), and an Erasmus Mundus joint program European Master of Higher Education from universities in Norway, Finland, and Portugal (2009).
She is the founder of Fe/male Switch, a startup game that encourages women to enter STEM fields, and also leads CADChain, and multiple other projects like the Directory of 1,000 Startup Cities with a proprietary MeanCEO Index that ranks cities for female entrepreneurs. Violetta created the “gamepreneurship” methodology, which forms the scientific basis of her startup game. She also builds a lot of SEO tools for startups. Her achievements include being named one of the top 100 women in Europe by EU Startups in 2022 and being nominated for Impact Person of the year at the Dutch Blockchain Week. She is an author with Sifted and a speaker at different Universities. Recently she published a book on Startup Idea Validation the right way: from zero to first customers and beyond, launched a Directory of 1,500+ websites for startups to list themselves in order to gain traction and build backlinks and is building MELA AI to help local restaurants in Malta get more visibility online.
For the past several years Violetta has been living between the Netherlands and Malta, while also regularly traveling to different destinations around the globe, usually due to her entrepreneurial activities. This has led her to start writing about different locations and amenities from the point of view of an entrepreneur. Here’s her recent article about the best hotels in Italy to work from.